today was midway eval... *scream* but all was well... considering my previous premonitions... my sup turned out 2 be v nice indeed n was quite generous in her ratings... but, apparently de rehab manager @ my placement centre seems 2 tink tt we're not managing our time effectively n sorta "hinted" tt my sup has been TOO generous wif de marks... fine! not tt i disagree totally... there's ALWAYS room 4 improvement n i oso feel tt my performance can be further improved... but he seems 2 tink tt we've not been doin anything!!
hellooo!! i beg 2 differ!! we've act been doin quite a lot of stuff! but juz so happens tt he ALWAYS pops by when we've oredi finished de activities n so of cos he cldn't observe us doin anything!! duh. am quite pissed abt it. shld make it a point 2 inform him everytime we wanna do an act... so he can "pop in" @ de rite time... but den again, he's not our immediate sup wad! duh again. our sup quite boh hius us while he likes 2 follow our every movement like a hawk... hai. de irony of it all. shld hone up on my "looking busy" skills. anyone can impart me some skills? pls be my shifu.
y do i haf a nagging premonition tt i'll die in dis placement? tink i'm v subjective towards de env i'm in... once i formed de impression tt i dun like my placement n my sup, it's likely tt i wun do well in it... wat de hell... i dun even feel like trying 4 dis placement lor... YYY??? sibei sian...
argh... n i hate it most when i dunno wat de hell i'm expected 2 do... i'm de kind tt can't work w/o guidelines n proper allocation of work... duh... feel so useless n extra in my placement centre... n some of de cases really dunno wat 2 do lor... like wat can u do 4 a SCI tetraplegic who's definitely under maintenance therapy? de most i can tink of is leisure exploration lor, which is obviously limited as well... arrgghhh!!! feel like tearing my hair out (n it's not like i got a lot of hair 2 begin wif lor...) wat de hell... shall juz rot till i die... hopefully i'll juz pass dis clinicals...
see!! i'm so damn pessimistic nowadays! wat's de matter wif me?! duh. like 5 more wks 2 go n i'm oredi taking it like de ending's fixed le n can't be changed... i definitely tink it's cos of de 1st impression of de placement... heaven forbid tt i work in dis kinda setting in future. i'd rather marry a rich man. ahahahaha... duh. let me change my wordings... i'd marry a rich man anytime. ahaha... provided of cos tt he fulfills all de other criterias necessary 2 be my hubby... =P on 2nd tot, i'll prob juz not marry... heh... anyone wanna join de spinster's club??
well... here i am starting clinical attachments once again... horror of horrors!!! despite my predictions of hands or mental health, got posted 2 community physical dysfunction instead... rmr those of ya whom i said i tink i'm more suited 2 physical dysfunction than mental health n paeds?? well! i juz discovered another component 2 my overall well being in clinicals besides being in de field tt i enjoy: TYPE OF SETTING. am extremely hospital-sick rite now... tt's rite! u heard me! dis placement has further confirmed de fact tt i'm indeed NOT at all suited 4 community placement... not only do i find community placements slack (which is a joy to my 2 classmates @ de same placement), i also find it quite boring n unstimulating... sigh! n i wonder y tt is... how i miss de quick efficiency of hospitals n de daily turnover rate of patients!! guess i'm not a "strong practitioner-patient relationship" therapist... haha... i act like my clients 2 CHANGE frequently instead of forming long lasting relationships wif them...
is dis due 2 my innate need 2 be alone?? hmm... maybe it cums wif being an only child? i like small networks... not BIG ones... n i rather small groups of close frens than large nos. of acquaintances... somehow, i always pair acquaintances wif hypocrisy... maybe tt's y i hate networking... or izzit juz tt i have a low eq?? hmm... tink i haf no probs making frens, it's retaining de relationship tt i find tiring n arduous... haf always been a lazy person at heart, maybe tt's y i dun like putting too much energy into relationship maintenance... i rather keep de energy 2 my own reflections n feelings... hmm... guess tt makes me someone whose world revolves ard myself?? indeed, many a time i've fu1 yan3 pple when i really din feel like toking... surprise! i DO act feel like NOT toking... contrary 2 de beliefs of many frens... ahaha... dun tink any of my frens have seen me in a foul mood b4... sian n pek chek maybe, but neva angry or fuming... hmm... am i so gd at hiding my feelings? realised i've been using tiredness n sianness as an excuse wheneva i feel lousy... lousy=sad, angry, frustrated etc... is tt healthy?? u're supposed 2 vent ur feelings instead of penting them up... but i realised tt i dun really vent my feelings... de most is juz being cranky n irritable 2 my family, n i usually cum out of it in less than an hr... maybe i shld focus more on my emotional health... haven been feeling as happy as i shld recently...
juz got news tt hb's coming down next tues 2 observe us... shit. die.
{♥} audrey
{♥} huixin
{♥} jiahui
{♥} kay sing
{♥} liting
{♥} regina
{♥} gerald t
{♥} angelineee
{♥} germaine
{♥} friend
{♥} you khai
{♥} dor
{♥} athena
{♥} nikki
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